Broken

Greenwood Cove, Mendocino by Tom Killion

It feels like ages ago. He was waiting for her once again and this weird feeling ran through his spine, it was the same feeling of the day before, and the one before that. Something he had never felt before meeting her, something he wish he didn't have to feel every time she got near.

He looked for the time on his cellphone, suddenly the room was filled with the most amazing scent, followed by the only one who smelled like that, a composition of flowers and rainy weather, it was her. He smiled, and thought how awkward it was that he knew she was coming even before her perfume got the chance to confirm.

She was smiling as well, but he could never tell why. After some months he got used to the idea of never being able to read her through expressions, he couldn't even notice the sutil change on her voice tone that indicated she was lying, or the look on her eyes when she was bored. It was like she was covered by this veil of mystery, he didn't like that.

They were so similar in some ways, but so different in others. He was predictable, liked symmetry, to plan things ages in advance... she was unpredictable, didn't care for symmetry at all, and every day was a day to enjoy.

They were the best of friends, and they loved each other in the most inexplicable way. He didn't like that because he couldn't control it or shape it in any way of form, the effect that she had on him was so intense that he couldn't function properly, well, at least not in the way he was used to.

They took a seat and ordered a random delicious thing from the menu. Actually, she did, he just asked for the same thing. Something safe, that he knew he would like. They kept looking at each other and saying some words, like there was something to talk about other than the fact that he was almost having a heart attack.

He hoped for everyone else to get there faster and break that tension, he couldn't bare the fact that he wasn't touching her, and kissing her, and telling her how much she meant for him. But he also couldn't work up the courage to do all that. He didn't have to explain anything, she already knew, but there was no way he would do something about it.

Everything was so perfect, everything worked so well... he could control his part of the relationship while it wasn't one. He could leave, he could hide. And the idea that all of this would be gone by the time he made a simple move was unbearable.

Worst than loosing her.

At least he thought so, and that's what he said to himself every night before going to bed.

And eventually, she got tired of waiting.

Eventually she could see him for who he really was: powerless, unable to decide.

And he lost her.