I had a dream, don't worry, this is not a speech. I dreamt about you.

I had just gotten home from work, and you were already there, sitting in bed. You had the most beautiful smile as I walked through the bedroom door and said hello. You sat there for a while, asking me about my day. I knew something was different, it was a pleasant evening, I could feel the breeze coming in from outside, brushing through the curtains we made earlier that week, from this white and flowy fabric.

I can't really remember what you were wearing, I'm sorry... I seem to have lost my attention to detail in dreams as well, but I do remember it was you, I remember your presence, your perfume. I can't quite explain.

I held you in my arms for what seemed like forever (in a good way) when you stood up to undo the buttons of my shirt. We kissed, and we looked at each other for a second. I knew what was going on, I knew it was time.

Don't ask me why we had moved in to what seemed like a good house, without ever sleeping together. You know how dreams can be... they only tell us so much. But I was happy with your decision that night, and yes it was your decision, you allowed me to proceed, and it was magical. I can remember what it felt like, but some things are better kept on one's mind... Just imagine the best night of our lives.

Here's when things get weird: It's the next morning already and I feel like a million bucks -no surprise here. As I open my eyes I can see your face, sleeping peacefully by my side. I wake you up with some lazy kisses, and I won't lie here, I was trying for a morning version of what happened the night before.

Your eyes open and you look at me like... I don't know... like you had killed someone. I can't understand what happened, you want nothing to do with me, you don't even look directly at me. When I ask you what's going on the only answer I can get is "nothing" and "don't worry about it". I'm just freaking out at this point, my heart cracking and I can feel it.

I might've done or said something wrong, and I can remember everything that went through my mind... "Did I offend her somehow?", "Did I mistreated her?", "Did I hurt her?", "Wasn't I thoughtful enough", "Did I do it wrong?", "Wasn't it pleasurable for her?"... so many questions. And I remember asking you all of them, getting short answers in return: "No", "It's nothing like that", "It was great, don't worry about it"...

The last thing I said was... "Then tell me what happened. I love you and something's changed", while reaching for your hand.

You looked at me, and your eyes were full of regret. You said something like:
"Last night we changed everything, there's no going back... If this doesn't work out we can never undo things, we'll never be able to be in each other's lives as friends anymore. And I can't bare thinking that we might lose each other, that we might've risked a perfectly good relationship for something we don't understand... for something we are not sure."

And I held you in my arms once more, when I said:
"I love you, I really do... and that means that I'm making the right choice here. That means that investing in us, that making our relationship greater and truthful to what we feel is the right choice. I don't care about Ifs and even if this doesn't go as planned, we'll go through it together... and we might be hurt, damn, we might be crushed, but we won't ever regret not doing it. And that will make us happy again."

And then... I woke up.